Really, I do. Although we do live simply in many ways, sometimes I feel like an imposter because I am writing a blog about self sufficiency, and yet I live in a small (and ugly) city house with a backyard that is only about 150 square feet. I have books about homesteading in my sidebar, yet I don't feel that I homestead at all.
Sometimes I wonder, why would anyone read my blog? What do I have to offer, when there are other bloggers out there that can showcase their chickens and goats, their cellars full of home canning, their children roaming through the woods and hiking up mountainsides, the homemade quilts they whipped together, their cozy woodstoves in the winter? I have none of those things. When I started this blog I hoped that maybe by now we would be living out in the country, but it hasn't worked out that way.
Sure, there is such thing as an "urban homesteader," and many people do it quite successfully...but I don't even seem to have the time to really do that. I was so late getting my herb seedings started this year that they are still just small seedlings and look silly out there in my raised beds. I don't think I'm going to be able to harvest any lavender at all this year at this rate. My two tomato plants are similarly tiny, and the zuchinni...I just planted the seeds a week ago. I was also late even buying my other herb plants, so no sage, thyme, or basil for me! And I was so excited to have a spice cupboard this winter filled with organically grown dried herbs!
My sewing machine continues to gather dust--so much for beautiful quilt I wanted to make before Amy was born--I haven't even started it! I have noticed that knitting is a favourite hobby with many bloggers, but me? I have never knit anything but square dish cloths, and a very misshapen teddy bear...and I have a feeling that is as far as I am going to get. It's all incomprehensible to me.
I am not even sure if we are going to get a chance to go strawberry picking this year, as it is strawberry season right now and Chris is so busy with work...he's doing wholesale orders for our Etsy shop and also doing other full time contract work as an industrial mechanic on the side! I suppose I could find a way to take all the kids with me...but last year it was hard enough to keep Jasper from trampling the strawberry plants with two grown ups present...I'm not sure if I can tackle that task on my own. (If you knew Jasper, you would agree with me.)
I hope we find a way, because last year's strawberry jam was sublime!
Perhaps others can relate to my struggles, and that's a good thing...I hope I can be encouraging to others who want to live a simple, deliberate life, to concentrate on the things that really matter, to do things for themselves, and yet who don't find it an easy path. I hope so, because sometimes I feel like I am only acting a part, and I feel a little nervous that someone is going to notice that I am not genuine enough, that my life is not as simple and beautiful as I might pretend. Actually, many days our house is chaotic, everyone is squabbling, the VCR gets used more than I care to admit, and supper is something out of a can or a box...Some days I am so frazzled trying to care for the children, get some homeschool lessons in there somewhere, and keep the house in reasonable order, that I wonder if I could even manage a big garden and some animals on top of it all. Although, perhaps seeing something other than asphalt outside my window might help my state of mind, I don't know...
It just seems to me sometimes that I have a long way to go, before I get to the place I want to be. A very long way!
I know exactly what you mean! I often feel I don't measure up to be the woman and mother of my dreams. But my hope stands firm that God is using me in the situation I am to become a better, more beautiful, more frugal and more patient mother. I have a garden, but it forever needs weeding. Trying to keep up with that, the kids, the house and my hobby/job of painting silk is more than one human woman can manage:) Keep up the good work, you are a fantastic mother, that is plain from the little I have read about you!
Posted by: Elizabeth | June 14, 2011 at 01:08 PM
You are there. Its all there. It just looks different then you thought it would. We are all young mamas learning a new way. Very few of us were raised in homes like the ones we now try to create. But that's it. We learn, and our children learn from us. And that is what counts each and every day. Every moment. Each time we make a choice. Sometimes dinner and lessons take a back seat to what we need to be and do for our children, right now. There is time for everything. As long as you authenticly love what you are trying to do, you are there and you are doing it. We will all always be striving, otherwise- what would there be. I bet the berry picking is the thing that needs to be done by the sound of it. Is there another mama around, or an aunt, a neighbor- someone who can come along and enjoy your little ones picking berries?
Posted by: sherene | June 14, 2011 at 01:14 PM
Oh, My Dear, I wish I could give you a hug and offer you a cup of tea with something sweet on the side. You are NO imposter! ~ Just a tired Mamma right now! We have this idea that to live simply one needs to be off grid and totally organic! We look back to the depression days for ideas for living simply but forget that those living through the depression in the cities were living simply too. You are doing a fine job. One day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time.
My teens will be starting final exams soon and one of the things that the teacher will say at the beginning of the exam is..."Keep your eyes on your own work" Not just to limit cheating but to have the students focus on what they themselves need to focus on. Glancing at someone else's paper and seeing lots of lines filled in when you only have a one sentence answer can be discouraging~ even if the one sentence answer is the correct one! This world of writing and reading blogs sometimes makes it difficult to "keep our eyes on our own work!"
I wish that we lived closer. I'd love to pick strawberries with you( and Jasper too!). But I'm here to tell you that come winter your family will appreciate jam made from store bought flats just as much as hand picked by mom berries. There is a time and a season for everything under heaven. Sometimes it is the season to buy the berries and spend your time having a picnic at the park with your children
instead.
Sorry, that this got so long. Truly, you are doing well! ~lisa
Posted by: lisa | June 14, 2011 at 02:18 PM
I think many people feel inadequate after looking through the many blogs out there. Your honesty is refreshing and many of us are not where we want to be but are daily striving towards getting there!
Posted by: Emily | June 14, 2011 at 02:29 PM
I agree with Lisa. To every time, there is a season. This season is for relishing soft swirls of your newborn's hair,and for seeking joy in the small victories. Relish the clean pile of laundry that actually does get folded, snip a few flowers and put them by your bedside, but never mind the dust bunnies. They'll wait.
Any mama with young ones--regardless of her locale or aspirations--knows in her soul what you express here.
Posted by: Carey | June 14, 2011 at 03:01 PM
I couldn't agree more. I too feel as if I'm acting at times but then I remember that a simple and deliberate life is not as easy as it seems. If our hearts are in the right place and we're trying our very best, the rest will fall in to place. Your blog is called "Getting There"....you ARE getting there! Just because you haven't made a quilt (me neither), knit (me neither) or use boxes and cans to make dinner (at least they are getting fed) your desire to live a simple life will exude from you in everything you do. No worries. Don't be so hard on yourself!
Posted by: Stephanie | June 14, 2011 at 04:27 PM
Isn't there some wise old saying about life being about the journey not the destination? I think more of us feel like this than we admit, I know I do with so many "steps back" this last year. However the big thing is that you're going through all of this mindful of what you're doing, how you're living and how you'd like to your life to be. A lot of people don't want to put forth this effort and just float on thru life.
Posted by: Molly | June 14, 2011 at 05:18 PM
Hey Laura..you need a dream to get you there...and your sream is home-steading and living simply...whether you are "there" or "getting there" or even NOT getting there is beside the point. You have a DREAM. Keep working towards it. Keep believing in it. Do loose sight of it. (((hugs))) This is reality. We are all walking it.
..and hey, you've just had a wee babe. Precious new life. That's what is important..not whether you've got seeds planted..or a quilt finished..or a tidy home. (Please remind me this when I'm having a hard day!)
Posted by: Julia | June 14, 2011 at 05:22 PM
Hi Laura, please don't be hard on yourself, you are a mum, with a new baby and thats hard in itself, add to that the fact that you homeschool so you don't have free time when your kids are at school and it's no wonder you are not achieving all you had dreamed. These things will come in time, allow time for Amy to fit into your lives and routine and do what you are currently doing - the best you can
Posted by: Brenda | June 14, 2011 at 06:43 PM
Laura - hi I have been lurking here for a few weeks now and finally I decide to leave a comment. I feel you and where you are coming from. Lately I feel like I have add - with so many things I want to do, so many projects started and then add to the mix 3 kids under 10 - 1 husband away on business and housework that should be done....yikes...it all gets overwhelming for sure. Scary part is - I have my whole heart set on the idea that we are moving to Oregon next summer...to live the life you are describing ---sustainable and more natural. I keep wishing and planning in my head for the MOVE but in reality what do I know about farming, planting - where will the extra time come from when I am there to do all the things I plan on doing when I can barely find the time now...arghhh!!!
its really a never ending fight...I know just by reading your blog you are a good mom and doing the best you can...as am I - as we all are...
here's to the future and the quest for more time...
hugs
tina
Posted by: tina | June 15, 2011 at 02:39 AM
PS: I have lots of sage and basil I could dry for you to get you going this first year. Also, go ahead and plant them late in pots. I babied my sage along in a pot the first year, had it on the kitchen sill through the winter and then planted it outside the next spring. It took off like a wild thing and now is a big bush :) Blessings! If you would like the herbs perhaps we could be in contact by e-mail. [email protected]
I know these are not the most important things in life- but if it would brighten your day then I'd be glad to do it- (but maybe with a little something for the postage since it would be going across the ocean).
Posted by: Elizabeth | June 15, 2011 at 03:05 AM
Ihavehad to learn myself as of lately that I need to make the most of my current situation. Enjoy the journey because that is life...the journey not the destination.
Posted by: Morgan | June 15, 2011 at 09:37 AM
OH wow I read your blog today and it was exactly the encouragment that I needed to hear! Only, I'm a few steps (and kids) behind you. My husband and I dream of a nice little 2-3 acre plot out in the country. I can have cows and grow things... We found just the perfect one a few days ago, but it's about 50K above where we want to be. Not that we couldn't afford it now with us both working full time jobs and my Etsy shop on the side, but one day I want to have children and stay home with them. We want to live simply and not be stretched for cash if we can at all help it! I've been thinking the past few days "we could just offer more, we could do it, we might be stretched but we could still do it!" Then I read your blog and remember what I'm waiting for so patiently. I said my little prayer that some day God would allow me to "Get there". Thank you for your honesty today! I'm deeply encouraged by it!
Posted by: Joanna King | June 15, 2011 at 11:46 AM
We all start somewhere! Have hope, and try not to judge yourself by the careful glimpses other bloggers give into their lives - who knows how messy the rest of the house is, or if they spent the whole day yelling at their kids? :)
Posted by: Adrie | June 15, 2011 at 01:11 PM
I love your blog for its authenticity. Your warm personality comes out on the page, and it's always a treat to stop by and find a new post. I find your frugal living skills inspiring.
(For what it's worth, our journey has had it's 'ugly town house' period too,lol, which lasted a couple years longer than we expected.)
Posted by: Leah | June 16, 2011 at 06:09 PM
Your blog is inspiring! I, myself am just starting to live simply and become self-sufficient. My issues are that I can't cook, and my husband (who can cook) won't let me have chickens, etc. I have a good size yard and live in a perfect place to grow food. My favorite book on gardening is "Starter Vegetable Gardens", by Barbara Pleasant. She make it so easy and simple. I am hoping that by working on this one thing and maybe later getting to the other stuff, will get me there.Please do try this book, does work in cooler climates. You are giving me so much inspiration and ideas! Please continue. Thanks!
Posted by: Kristine Colon | June 17, 2011 at 05:32 PM
I just discovered your blog... well, just a few minutes ago. Oh how I feel your pain. We have barely enough yard to talk about, a postage stamp garden, and a house in the middle of a small town (without the benefits and amenities of living in town) that's far too small. I thought I had a handle on things with my 2 year old son, since my mother and I live as roommates. Then we ended up with my 14 year old cousin after her father died. NOW we have my brother's 18 month old! I'm ready to run out the door screaming, but you just keep plodding along.
The house is just going to have to get messy while I work from home. I CAN bear it until I'm done with my task and do a clean up as I walk through. If the dishes don't get washed tonight, I can do it in the morning. If the garden isn't weeded today, I can do it tomorrow. One day at a time. It happens.
I'm in the first steps of becoming more self sufficient, wherever I am. We used to be so much closer to my goal, but life, kids, a hurricane or two, and financial troubles happened. It's more a state of mind, than anything else. Keep it up and keep going! I'm enjoying what I've read so far!
Posted by: Sarah Jones | June 19, 2011 at 10:16 PM
Everything starts with hopes and dreams. Dream big, and you will live big. You have a beautiful vision, don't let it go.
Peace and love to you, my friend.
(And by the way, you just had your fourth baby! Go easy on yourself!)
Posted by: Lindsay | June 21, 2011 at 01:59 AM
You are doing what you can, and we are interested in what you can do. Don't beat yourself up... you are a very busy mom... raising small ones takes a lot of time and effort. Nothing stays the same... keep dreaming and making your plans, they may come true sooner than you expect.
Posted by: Joy | June 29, 2011 at 02:46 PM
Take heart...having animals involve manure, a big garden produces more weeds, and hay fields give way to HUGE allergy problems!
Seriously, we all start with a dream and like your sidebar says we all work together and someday we will achieve that dream...even if it comes in a different form than we expected!
Just found your blog whilst searching recipes for apple oatmeal bars. I have now read through numerous posts and will most definitely be back! Kim
Posted by: the Inadvertent Farmer | July 2, 2011 at 10:53 PM
Hi Laura, I live all the way across the globe and I read your blog regularly. I work full time in a bank and spend almost all my time at work. But your blog reminds and encourages me to lead a simple life and go down to the basics. You have a far wider reach and impact than you realise, I think.
Posted by: OpenKitchenConcept | August 10, 2011 at 10:14 AM