Really, I do. Although we do live simply in many ways, sometimes I feel like an imposter because I am writing a blog about self sufficiency, and yet I live in a small (and ugly) city house with a backyard that is only about 150 square feet. I have books about homesteading in my sidebar, yet I don't feel that I homestead at all.
Sometimes I wonder, why would anyone read my blog? What do I have to offer, when there are other bloggers out there that can showcase their chickens and goats, their cellars full of home canning, their children roaming through the woods and hiking up mountainsides, the homemade quilts they whipped together, their cozy woodstoves in the winter? I have none of those things. When I started this blog I hoped that maybe by now we would be living out in the country, but it hasn't worked out that way.
Sure, there is such thing as an "urban homesteader," and many people do it quite successfully...but I don't even seem to have the time to really do that. I was so late getting my herb seedings started this year that they are still just small seedlings and look silly out there in my raised beds. I don't think I'm going to be able to harvest any lavender at all this year at this rate. My two tomato plants are similarly tiny, and the zuchinni...I just planted the seeds a week ago. I was also late even buying my other herb plants, so no sage, thyme, or basil for me! And I was so excited to have a spice cupboard this winter filled with organically grown dried herbs!
My sewing machine continues to gather dust--so much for beautiful quilt I wanted to make before Amy was born--I haven't even started it! I have noticed that knitting is a favourite hobby with many bloggers, but me? I have never knit anything but square dish cloths, and a very misshapen teddy bear...and I have a feeling that is as far as I am going to get. It's all incomprehensible to me.
I am not even sure if we are going to get a chance to go strawberry picking this year, as it is strawberry season right now and Chris is so busy with work...he's doing wholesale orders for our Etsy shop and also doing other full time contract work as an industrial mechanic on the side! I suppose I could find a way to take all the kids with me...but last year it was hard enough to keep Jasper from trampling the strawberry plants with two grown ups present...I'm not sure if I can tackle that task on my own. (If you knew Jasper, you would agree with me.)
I hope we find a way, because last year's strawberry jam was sublime!
Perhaps others can relate to my struggles, and that's a good thing...I hope I can be encouraging to others who want to live a simple, deliberate life, to concentrate on the things that really matter, to do things for themselves, and yet who don't find it an easy path. I hope so, because sometimes I feel like I am only acting a part, and I feel a little nervous that someone is going to notice that I am not genuine enough, that my life is not as simple and beautiful as I might pretend. Actually, many days our house is chaotic, everyone is squabbling, the VCR gets used more than I care to admit, and supper is something out of a can or a box...Some days I am so frazzled trying to care for the children, get some homeschool lessons in there somewhere, and keep the house in reasonable order, that I wonder if I could even manage a big garden and some animals on top of it all. Although, perhaps seeing something other than asphalt outside my window might help my state of mind, I don't know...
It just seems to me sometimes that I have a long way to go, before I get to the place I want to be. A very long way!